Wed, Mar 27, 2013 at 8:11 AM
The last 3 blogs I've written is mainly all quotes and stuff I've heard. But I just wanna speak about habit.
I've come to realize I'm a person of habit, like I can never find someone new cause I keep going back to people from my past, even though I know how it will end. Its not like I wanna do this, but you try so hard to forget things and no matter how much you look at someone else, you always catch yourself comparing them to those past people... Even though those past people are jerks.
I'm the type of person where if I can't have you in my life the way I want, I'll keep you as a friend then. Cause I'd rather have you as a friend, than lose you because one or the other doesn't feel the same way.
But now you have some one, you have your heart dead secure, cause you know it will never work. No. 1 reason his not single, and you've been there before, so you know how it'll end; You leave it cause you feel guilty, he hates you for a while, you bump into each other randomly, and the entire process starts up again. Never ending... Its a habit.
Or what about the other guy who broke you beyond repair... You want to hate him so bad but you can't, cause you still want him. You're forced to see him, and those days that you know you you'll see him, you tell yourself your ready, prepared to face this day head on. When you get there you get frustrated that he doesn't notice you, and then you get angry at yourself for caring. But you can't help it, no matter how hard you try. You do your best not to show it though, and pray no one notices how broken you are inside. Its like a drug. He's like a drug, both in their own ways. Eventually you'll get better you know you will. But you know if you stop wanting them, and stop going back, or even just stop replying to the texts, it'll happen faster. It'll break the habit. The destroying habit... The ritual. The "idol" you are creating for yourself, its destructive and nothing good can come from it. Its not easy, but taking the first step, by simply leaving the past where it belongs, behind you, will ultimately set you free, it'll set me free... Time to let go of the habit... Its time to break free...