Sun, Dec 4, 2011 at 7:07 AM
Conversation with Nephew/ It is Time
I am growing overwhelmed by my thoughts. I am itching to and dancing inside to do something. To execute these thoughts and plans that have been swirling for some time. I go to bed thinking about this, wake up thinking about this, spend my day thinking about this. I feel like I am going to explode. I feel like I am here. Where I need to be for the next stretch. Almost.
I believe I am hearing that I first need a support or network. Something I have always in the past had when embarking on new missions. I think I need to reach out to my past and connect on a deeper level (intellectual and spiritual) with people here in the present. God is telling me that, I have to. Or I will not be successful. I need to be successful.
Conversation with Nephew
De’Juan (pronounced day-jon): "Who’s faster? The bad guys or the police?"
Auntie (me): "The Police."
De’Juan: "Well, why when my dad was shot they didn’t come faster?"
Auntie: *Heart breaks, mind searches for answer* "Well, they didn’t come at first but they caught the bad guy after and now he is in jail." (I realize now that he might of meant, why didn’t they rescue him. *Heart breaks, one more time).
Auntie: *Frustration festers because the reality is no. Additionally, that this man, young man probably will not receive the help he needs while inside the institution* "Well, probably not forever but for a very long time." (I emphasized very hoping it would provide comfort to his five year old mind).
We walk from the kitchen, brownies with ice cream on top in hand. (He raised this question in the middle of preparing a delicious dessert y'all).
Auntie: "Do you think about your dad a lot?"
Auntie: *back towards him as I begin closing the blinds. I summoned enough courage to ask this next question, mustered enough strength to feel like I would be okay with his answer* "How does it make you feel when you think about your dad?" *I turn around to observe his reaction and response. I am nervous. I am preparing myself for heartbreak number three and potential defeat.*
*Auntie can breathe now.* I relax. We eat our ice cream over warm brownies. I ponder how he is able to feel happy and think happily about his father, my brother, who he will never know on Earth..De’Juan interrupts my thoughts with something new for us to discuss.
We talk while we eat. I look at his little face in awe. He looks so much like JD.
It is Time
It is time y’all. To build my support and network. I AM WE. I cannot not try to prevent conversations with five year olds like these from ever occurring again. This is not right. It is not normal. And it is all interconnected. Ubuntu.
Left: JD, Right: De'