Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 7:37 AM
I was feeling unappreciated yesterday prior to my family coming over for our Christmas celebration. No one appeared to be as excited as me so I was feeling all kinds of down about it (little sister syndrome perhaps)! My Pops informed me had something to care of and would not make it, my mom threatened not to come because she was tired, my brothers’ voice was monotone when I spoke with him over the phone, and Mr. Baby let his friend smoke in my house less than an hour before everyone was to arrive - I was heated, fuming! I was hurt.
I felt like no one gave a damn about the work I had put in... Not the money, but the time, care, personal attention, and intention. I just wanted my family together in one place – all of us. Something we have not done since my brothers passing and have not done even since he was alive and we had to move from our original home on 15th Avenue (Beacon Hill) abruptly in 2005. Since that home, holidays, get-together’s, and family functions have suffered from a spiritual deficiency. I miss the laughter, loud voices, fights, and etcetera. Those were the days.
So when I felt let down because my hopes were high, I took my frustrations to facebook and wrote: “NOT GONNA LIE: It hurts my feelings to feel like I'am the only one excited about some sh*t. My family needs to get it together! I mean, I only went ALL OUT...” Then, a mentor of mine whom I will refer to as Ms. Wise (you know how I like nicknames) responded: “It’s hard for folks to appreciate what they perceive as you being you...” She wrote a little more but this particular sentence stood out for me. A cousin of mine also responded later by saying: “You know what you're dealing with. Some families are very different, especially in showing their emotions.”
What they said, now that my family has come, gone and had a grandfabulous time, makes me ponder of a few things: (A) who might I be taking for granted and under appreciating because they are “being them”, (B) despite how I feel, I know that the time, care, personal attention, and intention I put into all things are worth it, and (C) oh yeah, this is my family we’re talking about! My family: Who has never been particularly great at showing emotion, being vulnerable, and wide-open. We are prideful people (come on Mahogany you know this)! Their comments remind me, to step off my high horse.
Their comments both reinforce and illuminate for me, that if I continue to be the zealous, enthused, ‘let’s-get-excited’ Mahogany, that if I keep loving them stronger and stronger (despite my hurt feelings, upset pride, and ego), my actions and sincerity just might soften their edges and at the same time, give them permission to open up too. You know, kind of like that saying, “kill them with kindness.” But, what if I instead, set them free them with my unconditional love and respect… All the way and all the time.
Just a Sneak Peak! Video later...
Thank you Kenda for your post inspired this one! Read Kenda's Expectations, here. FUEL!
Ps. I feel compelled to acknowledge Jesus Christ here. It is because He carried out God's plan for Him that we have this season to celebrate and why families come together during this time of the year (and we why shop until our stock drops). Thank You Jesus. I notice that we are reminding folks to 'remember the reason for this season' but are failing to mention "the reason." If you are Christian and accept Jesus Christ, let's name Him (i.e. name drop) and keep Him at the forefront. I believe it will make Him proud. Afterall, He is the greatest gift.