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Sun, Apr 10, 2011 at 12:34 PM

AM I HERE (MonJune062110@1:51pm)

honestly, visualize...the nights. ALL these nights she lAYS IN FETAL POSITION AS SHE CRYS. HER CRYS OF PAIN SO DEEP. IM LUCKY IF I FALL ASLEEP BUT EACH DAY I WAKE AND CAN FEEL THE HIGH OF A NEW DAY..NAH THE HEALING SEEMS OUT OF REACH, NOW. BUT I KNOW DOWN HERE, AT WHAT SEEMS 2 BE ROCK BOTTOM IS JUST 2 REMIND ME OF THE DREAM. MY DREAM? TO CLIMB TO THE TOP KNOWING I DIDNT MISS A STEP. ONCE AGAIN IM GOIN BACK. IT SEEMS LIKE THE PAST WILL BE EVERLAST AND IT ALLL SEEMS TO HAPPEN WAY TOO FAST BUT WHY CANT I MOVE FWD W.OUT CONSTANTLY RELIVING OUR PAST. SO I GUESS THESE STEPS BACK IS WHAT SOME OF US LACK. AND ALL I KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT THIS FALL WILL BE MY LAST. I WILL START BY SHOVELING MY OWN STEPS BECAUSE NOW BEGINS THE UPHILL BATTLE WHICH I NEVER FULLY EXPERIENCED. I HOLD MY SHOVEL NOW W/ THE MOST TIGHTEST POSSIBLE GRASP. OTHERWISE, WHEN THE SUN SHINES, AND THE WEATHER WARMS, THIS BEAUTIFULL SNOW MAY BECOME A TREACHEROUS FLOOD AND I WOULD FOREVER BE DROWNING. BUT WATER IS THINNER THAN BLOOD AND THIS SNOW IS ABOVE MY KNEES AND HAS HUNCHED OVER ALL THE TREES. NOW I SAY MERCY...PPLEASE, OR I MAYY BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND AS DO THE FALLEN LEAVES BUT AT LEAST THEY ARE FINALLY AT EASE

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