Fri, Aug 10, 2012 at 10:44 PM
Have you ever just felt like a FUCKING ASSHOLE?
Like not just an asshole but a FUCKING Asshole?
Now that may sound kinda funny but that's exactly how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel like I think too much and I'm overly emotional which is what gets me in trouble and annoys people.
Seriously, sometimes I just want to turn my brain off because I over-think EVERYTHING. Unlike most people who think of a hundred ways a situation could go, I think of about 100 million ways. And its not like you can turn your mind off, ya kno? Maybe you don't. Maybe I'm just alone with that one. I mean even as I'm typing this I don't know if I'm searching for an answer to a question in the back of my mind or if I'm just venting.
But with the overly emotional thing, seriously I piss myself off with that one! In my entire life, I have never met anyone more emotional than I am. God knows if I could turn it off i would but I can't. How come you can stop someone from being an jackass, as in make then a better or nicer person but you can stop someone from being emotional? Well i guess you can because I've seen people develop think skin but I've been trying to get "tougher" for years and it hasn't worked AT ALL.
Anywayz I'm kinda rambling as usual, and as usual i have no idea how to word what I wanna say. I guess I'll just try my best to explain. I started out with the asshole bit because i gotta into this habit of pissing my friends off with my ridiculousness and I've never minded apologizing for my actions but what happens when people are tired of hearing sorry for the same shit? I feel like that's the situation I'm in. Actions that i do take or things that I do say, I second and third guess myself to see how they'll affect the people around me and someone shit still gets fucked up. I swear I don't even do this shit I do intentionally!
Nevertheless, whenever shit gets messed up, its my fault.
I mean have you ever taken a look at yourself and just got mad? Just got angry cause even you can see why you piss people off. I'm just frustrated. Frustrated and highly annoyed.
Sometimes I just wish I wasn't me....